Hi, I’m Nicki
“I wish that I’d had a travel guide at the time of diagnosis that could’ve helped me to navigate the unknown and occasionally lonely world of “Holland”…it would have been very helpful in making my journey a little smoother.”
— Nicki Powell
Welcome to Holland
Essay by Emily Perl Kingsley (1987). All rights reserved.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands.
The stewardess comes on and says, "Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy!
I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.
But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say: “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
My Story
I read this essay, Welcome to Holland, when my son was newly diagnosed with Autism. Whilst I know not everyone loves this poem, I found it extremely helpful. It helped me to understand some of the feelings and emotions I was having as I came to terms with this life-changing news. It helped me to understand what life with a child with Autism would be like and it helped me put a name to some of the feelings I was having: grief, loss, overwhelm, fear, inadequacy.
Whilst my journey was very different to those of many of my friends, it has still been a wonderful journey. It has given me the opportunity to meet people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise, to learn things that helped me in my career as an Educational Assistant, and to experience things that I never would have in Italy.
It also helped me appreciate the wonderful characteristics that make my son a super-wonderful and unique individual.
In saying that, I wish that I’d had a travel guide at the time of diagnosis that could’ve helped me to navigate the unknown and occasionally lonely world of “Holland”; it would have been very helpful in making my journey a little smoother. Even though there were countless books and resources available, with so many new words and phrases I’d never heard before, I didn’t know where to begin. So much information often only seemed to add to the confusion.
Now, after many years of navigating this new country, I can successfully advocate for my son with confidence and assurance, thanks to the wealth of learning and understanding I have gathered in this sometimes lonely, but wonderful place.
Seven years ago, I started working with children in primary school, focusing on their transition into school, easing their anxieties, and helping those with literacy and numeracy needs. I received my Certificate III in Education Support whilst working in education, further enhancing my experience of helping both neurodivergent and neurotypical children.
As an educator and a parent, I am filled with a passion to help other parents who have recently landed in this strange new land to navigate the road ahead. I want to nurture and support these families to make the early days easier, to help reduce stress and anxiety, and to equip and empower parents to advocate for their children with confidence and assurance.
Sometimes it makes all the difference to walk the path with someone who’s been there and wants to share.
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